Ryan Avery on the Future of Communication and Leadership – Do More Than Convince – Connect
By Nicole Needles
Ryan Avery’s journey to becoming a renowned speaker and author is nothing short of noteworthy. In 2012, he achieved a pivotal milestone by winning the prestigious World Championship of Public Speaking, competing against 30,000 participants from 116 countries. What began as a personal challenge to tackle the “hardest thing” he could imagine turned into a transformative career path.
Initially balancing his newfound passion with a full-time role at Special Olympics, Avery navigated the demanding world of professional speaking with determination and resilience. From selling everything he owned to moving back with family in Texas, he and his wife embarked on a journey fueled by a steadfast belief in his ability to make an impact through speaking.
Thirteen years later, Avery continues to inspire audiences globally, sharing insights not only on public speaking but also on the business acumen required to thrive in this competitive field. His story is a testament to the power of persistence, passion and the courage to pursue one’s dreams against all odds.
In this Q&A, Avery shares his insights, challenges and the lessons learned along his extraordinary journey in the world of public speaking and beyond.
TMJ: When it comes to being a leader worth following, what traits would you say separate a good leader from a “worth-following leader”?
Avery: Well, first, it’s important to understand my definition of a leader. A leader for me is anyone who influences someone; your title doesn’t matter, and your experience doesn’t matter. What matters is if you have the ability to influence others to do what you want. A quality I see that is the most important is the difference between speaking at people and communicating with people. One of the biggest traits that I see in leadership is that a lot of people know how to speak, and very few know how to communicate. So, one of those important traits is understanding and defining what leadership is, while also understanding what communication is and why it is the most important aspect of leadership.
TMJ: You’ve worked with leaders across industries and also in different age groups. Have there been specific leadership traits you’ve noticed that resonate most with the newer generation?
Avery: One of the things that I do is study the difference between “a” leader versus “the” leader, “a” company or “the” company. What really makes the difference between “a” versus “the”? One of those differences, especially for the younger generation, is this idea of “a” company competes with each other, but “the” company collaborates with each other. We see teams competing against each other for the top spot, or whoever gets this will win that. That used to work really well in a competitive state, but this generation isn’t competitive in that regard. They’re very competitive, but not with each other. They actually very much enjoy collaborating to do something on a bigger scale, and I would say they value attaching things to purpose outside of the financial gain. So, what is the benefit? What is the value that the company offers the world and the community? It’s gotta be something more than “We’re going to make a lot of money.”
Now, the word generation stems from the word generalization, so you’re generalizing around the group. There’s always going to be that 22 year old who wants to be a billionaire, there’s always going to be that 58 year old who wants to not wear shoes to work. There’s a variety of different types of people within each generation. But those would be two things that I would pay attention to: compete versus collaborate, and then paying attention to why a company exists and why their position is important.
TMJ: What are the most common mistakes that leaders can make when they’re trying to connect with and inspire their teams, but maybe miss the mark?
Avery: The biggest one here is leaders trying to use the word “convince.” Nobody wants to be convinced anymore. They want to feel connected, so they want to feel connected to the person who’s communicating, which is the leader. One of the big mistakes that I see leaders make is that they’ll try to convince people by saying something like, “Next quarter we’re going to go from $100 million to $200 million in revenue. We can do it!” But nobody cares about that. Nobody cares about the money aspect of daily operations unless it benefits them as individuals. These leaders and managers make this mistake by never communicating what the company gets or what the employee gets as a result. They need to be communicating what’s beneficial and what is valuable to those they are communicating with. It’s all about connecting versus convincing.
TMJ: You talked about your definition of a leader and what that means. How would you say the definition of effective leadership has evolved over the past decade, and what should the next generation of leaders focus on?
Avery: Two important things come to mind. First is this idea of managing versus motivating. Previously, leaders thought they had to manage people, although nobody comes into the office saying, “I can’t wait to be managed today.” It’s important to note whether your mindset is managing people or motivating them. It’s also crucial to really understand what motivation means. It stems from the Latin prefix “motive” or “mode,” which means to move, and “ation” is the suffix in Latin, which means to get people to take action. So, by definition, motivation means getting somebody to take action. It does not mean getting people to pay attention. This goes back to what I was saying about communicating. Managers are really good at speaking at people, but motivators are good at communicating with people. What kind of mindset do you have when it comes to leading people? Are you managing them? Are you motivating them? You can manage a spreadsheet. You can manage your budget. You can manage your business. Not your people.
The second component that I would say is this idea of leaders always being a step ahead of everyone. But let’s say we’re going hiking on a mountain. If you were following someone on a hike and they were half a mile ahead of you, you would be stressed. You would feel like you are worthless. You would feel like you are not adequate for that hike or to be with that person. We want the leader a little closer to us – maybe as little as one step ahead of us – where we can follow them, but we know that they’re with us as well. That way, they’re not on top of the mountain, and they’re not trying to get ahead of us. They are with us while still directing us in a way that says, “I’m doing this with you.” Those are two important aspects of leadership.
TMJ: What are a few practical communication strategies that leaders can implement to increase trust and engagement with their teams?
Avery: Going back to understanding what communication is, I hear a lot of leaders say communication has never changed and it will never change. Remember, the suffix “ation” means action. It means that the transfer of information and methods of communication have, in fact, changed. Instead of having two or three methods like we used to 30 years ago, where it was over the phone or in person, we now have 14 different modes of communication because you can Slack the Instagram post on Facebook that you found in an email that you want to forward over in a WhatsApp message. The chain of methods of communication has diluted how we transfer information. So, one of the quickest ways to do this is to do a better job of figuring out what communication is, looking at the methods in which we communicate and come up with strategies to put into play. I called these “The Three Ts of Communication,” and those are “Text,” “Tone” and “Time.” Text is the words being used, tone is how those words are being used and time is when those words are being used. I’ll be talking about these at the keynote that I’m giving later on this year, and I’ll be giving a little bit more strategy around it.
One practical strategy that’s helped me significantly in my business is that during sales calls, I always end with “How and when do you want me to follow up?” The reason I do that is because I would follow up with somebody on a Monday morning via email and a PDF, but that does not mean that’s the way that people want to be followed up with. Simply asking them the best way for them is more likely to get you a response. I can’t tell you how many CEOs who have told me to text them on a Wednesday because that’s better for them, and that is when they do their decision making. If you tell them something on a Monday and they’re busy, you’ve already lost them. There’s this old saying that “People do business with people.” The saying now is “People do business with people who listen.” Listening is a really important component of communicating.
TMJ: You’ve talked about “a” versus “the.” Can you elaborate on what that means for organizations?
Avery: Ultimately, it comes down to this: If you were offered to go on “a” vacation or “the” vacation, which one would you choose? If you were to work for “a” leader or “the” leader in the industry, who would you go work for? What this shows us is when “a” and “the” are offered, people choose “the.” So, we want to figure out what the differences are between “a” and “the” so we can be the best and so there is no competition; there is only collaboration. That’s where imitation versus innovation comes into play. “A” is all about imitation; “the” is all about innovation. When you’re “the” you have standards, whereas when you’re “a” you settle. So there’s a lot of benefit of understanding the differences between “a” versus “the,” and more importantly, personally and professionally, you have the opportunity to expand your capacity and expand even more, and life is a lot more enjoyable.
TMJ: What daily habits or practices do you recommend for leaders who want to keep growing and keep becoming better each day?
Avery: I call it my LPT strategy. LPT stands for learn, practice, teach. I hear a lot of leaders who will say things like “I read 14 books this year,” And I’m thinking, “Congratulations. What did you do with it?” I also know a lot of leaders who are doing a lot of things, but they haven’t learned anything new. Then there are those really annoying people who teach a bunch of stuff, but they haven’t practiced any of it themselves. It’s hard to trust people like that because you don’t know if they’ve experienced what they are talking about. So, the true growth scale to follow is, “What are you learning? What are you practicing? What are you teaching?” for you to develop, grow and expand into who you want to be.
TMJ: Is there anything else you would like to add?
Avery: The biggest thing that I would say that’s helped me over the last few years is not focusing on what I want to do, but instead focusing on who I want to be. We’re taught and asked to focus on what we want to do. But, it’s a different story when you ask what you want to be. I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want to be “the” speaker. I want to be “the” dad. Ultimately, this shows me what I should do, and, even better, it shows me what I should stop doing because it takes me away from those things.
I’d also like to share the best three books that have changed my life this year: “A Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson, every leader should read this book; “Be Water My Friend” by Shannon Lee, that one is about Bruce Lee’s life and was wildly helpful and three to five times a week I read a passage out of Dr. Wayne W. Dyer’s book, “Change your Thoughts – Change Your Life.”
Article Takeaways
1. Leadership is About Connection. Effective leaders focus on building genuine connections rather than simply trying to convince others.
2. Evolve from Management to Motivation. Great leadership means motivating people through action and empathy, not just managing tasks.
3. Focus on Becoming “The” Leader, Not Just “A” Leader. Strive to be “the” leader by prioritizing innovation, self-awareness and purposeful daily growth
